John describes how it feels: “There are these incidental kinds of loopholes in my brain, where the wires can cross for a second and the hard drive crashes. “You can create dark neighbourhoods in your mind as easily as you can create rural wonderlands.”
Ralph often has big attacks: ”I have huge anxiety attacks. I’ll wake up early in the morning with my brain anxious about something and I don’t even know what it is, just a general sense of profound uncertainty. It’s from the unconscious, I suppose, fears about existence. A weird twilight zone. We feel we can organise our lives and have an order that we can control but really we can’t, it’s always paper-thin and underneath there’s this lurking chaos. You think, ‘F**k! This could come at me at any moment!’ ”