How in the world did I miss this? I was just checking at the magazine section today, and of course, it caught my eye, tucked away nicely somewhere in the middle. Great pictures. Sort of artsy, not just glamour shots. I like that.

1. Gilbert Gottfried: Rumor has it that Gilbert is the heir apparent to Uncle Milty when it comes to what he's packing, but that still can't save him. The parrot-voiced, pickled-face comic is to sexy what Kryptonite is to Superman.

2. Randy Johnson: If he couldn't throw a ball 100 miles per hour, Johnson would be wearing a wife beater and getting hauled into a squad car on Cops. Could you imagine the nights when he pitched to Otis Nixon?

3. Roger Ebert: Yes, he lost all that weight. Yes, you still wouldn't do him.

4. Dr. Phil: Being a know-it-all is never sexy. Being a know-it-all who is also a bald-headed prick is downright horrid.

5. Alan Colmes: Not really fair, since he's got to sit next to brown shirt-stud Hannity each night. But Colmes - lazy eye, unkept hair, droopy features - has a face made for radio. Pirate radio. Garr!!

6. Chad Kroeger: It's not just the massive head, weird face, and bad hair. It's also the fact that he's in Nickelback, the worst band since the dawn of music.

7. Mike Mills: You'd want to talk music with the bassist from REM. Sleep with? Not unless you're trying to get to Pete Buck.

8. Osama Bin Laden: Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn't on the list). But a 6'5", no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points.

9. Jay Leno

10. Don Imus

11. Michael Jackson

41. Paris Latsis: Maybe not the worst-looking guy in the world, but, well, think about who was there first.

43. David Gest

59. Clay Aiken: This feels like a cheap shot, but even leaving aside the rumors about his personal life, he still looks like someone's bratty little brother.

79. Tom from Myspace: What, you gotta be everyone's friend? Isn't that a little needy? Not hot at all.

99. Kevin Federline: Mooching hicks aren't so hot these days.

100.Brad Pitt: He may look good, but if the rumors about his hygiene and BO issues are true, then he's probably not worth it.

101. Bo Bice: Well, just look at him.