Heidi Montag Can’t Dance with the Stars.

Whatever will she DO???!  Maybe she can consult one of her husband’s healing crystals.

Apparently, Heidi wanted so badly to do Dancing with the Stars, but she was forced to turn it down due to contractual agreements she made when she sign up for The Hills.  Back in 2008, her agent pitched the show’s hosting gig to Montag, but Brooke Burke took the gig.  Even after that, the show wanted her to be a contestant, but she decided to do I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! instead.  

And you know, along with these contracty thingies, are those gigantic plastic monoliths surgically placed on her chest.  Montag says,

“I’m obsessed with fitness, but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs. It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life.”

Yeah, I know: elective surgery made me do it!  Life is so, so unfair.  And now she can’t do dancing with the Stars!!??? What kind of world do we live in where a fake celebrity can’t get on a reality dancing show to further promote herself based on her body mutilations and contracts? One American tragedy followed by another, followed by another.